


5 Times Iruka Semi-Avoided his Gay Thoughts, and 1 Time He Took Them Home

by harmonicallychaos



Category: Naruto
Genre: "I'm baby" gets said in an actual conversation, 5+1 Things, BUT THEYRE ALIVE IN MY HEART, M/M, also yes i know. some of the people i mentioned are dead, and its my favorite line in the entire fic, and thats okay but iruka is a simp too, emotionally i hope iruka is okay, i wrote this in like 3 days so if its bad, if you squint real hard, its not my fault, kakashi definitely isnt, kakashi is a simp, naruto is kinda in there, no one is in character but i dont care, so i wrote them like everything is fine, the silly straw is a close second, theyre all happy no one is dead everything is fI N E, tsunade isnt mentioned my name but shes the hokage at the time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26286145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harmonicallychaos/pseuds/harmonicallychaos
Summary: [2]Iruka always went to bed early-- it was just a habit of his. He works long days, both with his students and at the Mission Desk. He likes to keep himself fully rested for the day ahead, never knowing that it might bring. Sometimes, that day came early.Although he was not a light sleeper, Iruka was still a well-trained ninja. He naturally woke at the sound of his front door opening. Iruka remained completely still as he listened to the footfalls of his intruder, counting only three before he heard a dull thud.Silently, the Chūnin crept down the stairs-- suddenly thankful he knew which areas creaked-- as he made his way to his living room. Kunai in hand, he prepared to strike the intruder before they got the chance to launch an attack of their own. As he rounded the corner, he looked down at the floor and came face to face with--“Kakashi?!”“Hi,” The Jōnin croaked back at him, voice hoarse as he remained motionless on the floor, “come here often?”“Come here oft-- Kakashi!” Iruka sputtered at the motionless Jōnin, ex ANBU captain, bleeding out on his living room carpet, “what happened?”
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 21
Kudos: 266





	5 Times Iruka Semi-Avoided his Gay Thoughts, and 1 Time He Took Them Home

**Author's Note:**

> yes, okay i KNOW some people are alive when they definitely should be dead. but the great thing about writing a fic is i can say "fuck the timeline" and keep everyone alive and say whatever i want and y'all just get to DEAL. bc i LOVE THEM.
> 
> also this is the first time i tried writing in this style. im working on other fics rn, but i couldnt stop myself from writing this when ren encouraged me. and then ren encouraged me to post it, so here we are.

**[1]**

“Sensei!” The young, future Hokage called, falling flat on his back as he once again missed his target. 

“What?” two voices greeted him; Kakashi still had his head buried in _Icha Icha,_ but quickly glanced up when another voice answered in unison. 

“Ah… Sorry,” Iruka apologized, rubbing the back of his head, “I guess I’m not quite used to you yet-- no offense! I’m just not used to _not_ being Naurto’s sensei!” The teacher fumbled in an attempt to not offend the Jōnin, while Kakashi only shook his head, his attention returning to _Icha Icha_ in his hand. 

After a moment of silence, Kakashi finally glanced up at Iruka, waving a hand in Naruto’s direction. The message was clear: _‘If you want to be his teacher, then go teach him.’_

It wasn’t a punishment; Kakashi was _allowing_ Iruka to train Naruto. A gift, to let Iruka relive the moments when Naruto was still a young boy. Of course, Kakashi played it off as if Iruka was doing him a favor-- entertaining Naruto so the Jōnin could read. But they knew the truth.

“Sorry, Iruka-sensei!” Naruto called, always oblivious to the deeper meaning behind Iruka and Kakashi’s silent conversations, “Looks like you’re stuck with me!”

In one fluid motion, Kakashi glanced up as Iruka looked pointedly at him. 

A silent _‘Thank you,’_ on Iruka’s part, and a firm acknowledgement on Kakashi’s. _‘Have fun,’_ Kakashi’s gaze seemed to say, eyes crinkling up in a half-smile. Iruka almost forgot how to breathe. 

It’s not an uncommon sight to see Kakashi smile, but this time Iruka knows it’s genuine-- appearing because of _him._

Sure, Iruka had _no idea_ what he did to deserve such a smile, but the Chūnin isn’t going to waste this opportunity to oggle him while Kakashi was at least semi-responsive and looking away from that damn _book._ “Ka--”

“Oh come _on,_ Iruka-sensei!” Naruto called, still laying on his back in clear disinterest. “I can’t learn anything when all you do is stare at Kakashi-sensei!” 

“I am not-- Naruto!” Iruka yelled, face suddenly crimson as his eyes widened, the grin on Kakashi’s face only increasing with Iruka’s embarrassment. After quickly snapping his gaze away, Iruka stomped over to the young ninja-- still on his back-- and began his usual lecture: “Respect your superiors!” “Shinobi, especially Jōnin, deserve the _utmost respect!”_ “Kakashi is extremely--”

“You know I hate that.” Finally, Kakashi spoke, not even glancing up to Iruka. Apparently, _Icha Icha_ was a fascinating read. “He’s fine. Gotten used to that disrespectful kid.”

There was a tense silence where Iruka slowly lowered the fist he was shaking at Naruto, while the younger ninja laughed at him. This seemed to be a common topic. “O-oh,” Iruka managed, the embarrassed blush on his face making a return, “S-Sorry, Kakashi.”

“Well, Iruka,” Kakashi cut in, nose still buried in his book. He hadn’t even looked away this entire conversation, but managed to make his way in the general direction of the village. “Have fun.”

“You’re leaving?!” Both individuals yelled. One side-long glance told Kakashi all he needed to know, Naruto _and_ Iruka were both staring at him, a mix of confusion and surprise on both their faces. “Why not?”

Naruto was first to speak, confusion laced in his voice, “Hey, what’s the big idea?! You never let anyone else trai--.” Before he could finish his sentence, a large pebble hit the young student square in the forehead, right between the eyebrows. “Shinobi rule number seventeen, Naruto.” 

Immediately, Iruka took this as a learning opportunity-- something Kakashi was relying on. 

“Naruto, what _is_ rule number seventeen?” the Chūnin asked, rounding on him with his hands on his hips as he waited for Naruto’s response. “That’s easy, Iruka-sensei! You should really ask some harder questions. ‘Death to traitors.’”

  
  


**[2]**

Iruka always went to bed early-- it was just a habit of his. He works long days, both with his students and at the Mission Desk. He likes to keep himself fully rested for the day ahead, never knowing that it might bring. Sometimes, that day came early.

Although he was not a light sleeper, Iruka was still a well-trained ninja. He naturally woke at the sound of his front door opening. Iruka remained completely still as he listened to the footfalls of his intruder, counting only three before he heard a dull thud.

Silently, the Chūnin crept down the stairs-- suddenly thankful he knew which areas creaked-- as he made his way to his living room. Kunai in hand, he prepared to strike the intruder before they got the chance to launch an attack of their own. As he rounded the corner, he looked down at the floor and came face to face with--

“Kakashi?!”

“Hi,” The Jōnin croaked back at him, voice hoarse as he remained motionless on the floor, “come here often?”

“Come here oft-- _Kakashi!”_ Iruka sputtered at the motionless Jōnin, ex ANBU captain, bleeding out on his living room carpet, “what _happened?”_

This sight-- to Iruka-- was far from uncommon, but it always managed to upset him. Kakashi always managed to pull through, _somehow,_ yet it never quelled Iruka’s worries. It made his hands shake, his heart race-- despite the demeanor he was putting up, he was _worried,_ and tried not to allow his voice to falter. 

Kakashi noticed; Kakashi notices _everything._ Maybe that’s why he’s always so calm in the face of Iruka, especially with wounds such as these.

Obviously, Kakashi wasn’t exactly ready to reply to his question, only supplying a half-assed, “Lost too much chakra, nothing to worry about.” If his current condition was any indication, there was, actually, _a lot_ to worry about. 

His chakra level is dangerously low-- so low he can’t even _walk--_ and he’s bleeding profusely, soaking Iruka’s carpet.

“Oh, Kakashi…” Iruka sighed, kneeling next to him and beginning to search his body for the source of the blood. “Why do you never go to a hospital?”  
  
“I hate hospitals,” came Kakashi’s immediate reply, with such conviction that Iruka decided not to press him on the matter. “Fine,” Iruka relented with no fight; having found a large gash on Kakashi’s side, he was already putting pressure on the wound-- it would be against his best intentions to move him _now._ “But if you do pass out, I need to know your type.”

The Jōnin was obviously out of it, pale from blood loss. “My type? Brown hair, brown eyes. Nice, has a tough side if the situation needs it. Pretty reliable. Good with people--”  
  
“Kakashi. Your blood type.”  
  
“...Oh. Red.”

_“Kakashi!”_ Iruka scolded, a deep set frown on his face as he looked him over. The blood loss was already slowing, although the color had not yet returned to Kakashi’s face. It was concerning, but nothing Iruka hadn’t seen in the field before. Well… maybe this is just a little worse. 

“Gai knows my blood type.”

“ _Why does--?!”_ Iruka took a deep, calming breath, still pressing down on Kakashi’s wound. “You know what. I won’t even question it. I’m glad _someone_ does.”

After a moment of silence, which allowed Iruka to overcome the initial shock of seeing his friend-- if they were even considered friends?-- covered in blood on his carpet, he allows himself to chuckle. 

“I swear, you do this on purpose. You love watching me scrub your bloodstains off my carpet, you smug bastard.”

“Did you just call a superior a ‘smug bastard,’ Iruka?” The smile in Kakashi’s voice was obvious, and amusement dripped into every word. “I did, _sir,”_ Iruka admitted, “Right after I saved him from bleeding out on the floor somewhere.”

“Touchè.”

After what felt like hours of concentration, where Iruka managed to stitch together Kakashi’s injury with his chakra, he finally stopped bleeding. Slowly, the color returned to his face, and Iruka spoke again.

“You know, Kakashi,” Iruka started, fixing him with a tired grin, “you have _got_ to get a hobby.”

“This _is_ my hobby.” Kakashi said in a joking tone; they both knew he was far from joking. 

“...Have you thought about knitting?”

The breathy chuckle that left Kakashi was something Iruka would never get out of his head, coupled with the bemused smile on his face, he really was smitten. 

“No, Iruka. I’ve never thought about _knitting._ Is that a personal recommendation?” 

  
  


**[3]**

“Iruka, stop yelling,” Kakashi finally said, rubbing his forehead with his free hand. Two hours. He’s endured two _hours_ of Iruka yelling at him, threatening him with various objections in the room. His fellow Shinobi all stranded him to deal with Iruka _alone,_ Gai even going so far as to _laugh_ at him. 

_‘Oh, Kakashi,’_ He said, _‘even now, you have me beaten. I could never make Iruka this mad! You truly are a worthy rival!’_

Iruka finally broke Kakashi’s inner monologue, snatching up the closest item he could find-- an empty bottle of Sake-- and hurling it in his general direction; Kakashi easily avoided it, and it crashed into the wall and shattered to pieces as Iruka began his speech once again. “How could you have let this happen?! You _let this happen!_ Why would I stop yelling?!”

“You’re upsetting the baby,” Kakashi responded seriously, the patience in his voice finally wearing thin. 

At Kakashi’s remark, Iruka immediately sputtered, looking at him as if he had grown three heads, “What baby?!” After doing a once over of the room to confirm there was-- in fact-- no baby, Iruka resumed his shouting, “This is _exactly_ why you got Naruto injured! Your gross _incompetence--!”_

“It’s me,” Kakashi finally answered flatly, fixing Iruka with a completely blank stare. _“I’m_ baby.”

“W-What?!” Iruka finally sputtered, taking a step back. 

**_Shinobi Rule #6: Misdirection is the sharpest blade._ **

“I said, ‘I’m baby.’ Didn’t you hear me?” “Well, I _heard you…”_ Iruka continued, confusion written all over his face-- his previous anger already forgotten as he tried to decipher Kakashi’s meaning.

“Good. Now,” Kakashi began once he realized Iruka had managed to calm down, “Naruto is fine. He’s not that injured. I managed to take the brunt of the hit, so he’ll live. I didn’t know there was a second ninja present, but Sasuke alerted me just in time. He’s okay.” 

After a moment of silence, Iruka’s chest still heaving from his recent scream, Kakashi asked, “Happy?” Slowly, the copy ninja allowed his guard to lower as he realized Iruka was done hurling objects in his general direction.

“...Yeah.” At Iruka’s response, Kakashi nodded curtly; now the two were just awkwardly standing in the mission room staring at each other. 

“I’m uh…” Iruka started, embarrassed blush now overtaking his features, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.” “You were entirely in your right,” Kakashi insisted, shrugging, “You love Naruto, of course you don’t want to see him injured. I’m trusted with him. Seeing those you love injured is always upsetting.”

“Yeah,” Iruka agreed once more, offering Kakashi a little grin. “Thanks, Kakashi. For understanding.” 

“Of course.”

  
  


**[4]**

_‘Kakashi, come over when you get back from your mission,’_ he said. _‘I’m cooking dinner tonight, it’ll be nice,’_ he said.

Yet as Kakashi stumbled onto Iruka’s porch, he had the sneaking suspicion that he wasn’t expected. “Iruka!” He rasped out, gently knocking on his-- _locked--_ front door. 

When there wasn’t an answer, Kakashi knocked louder, wincing at the throbbing pain in his hand. He should be at the hospital, even he could admit that, but he was promised _dinner._

To stand, he had to lean against the door, one hand pressed on his bruised rib, his other pounding on the door. _“Iruka!”_

After a moment, Kakashi’s trained ears picked up footfalls approaching from within the house moments before the door flew open; immediately, his breath caught in his throat.

Iruka was in pajamas, his hair down and past his shoulders. It was dark out, the street lanterns accentuating the soft lines of Iruka’s face. Even with the annoyance clearly written on it, with Iruka most likely complaining at him because his mouth was _definitely_ moving right now, yet Kakashi couldn’t find it in himself to concentrate; all he could do was stare at the way his lips parted, how _inviting_ he looked.

“Kakashi!” Iruka finally snapped, Kakashi jolted, raising an eyebrow at him. “What?”

“You didn't hear a word I said, did you?”

“You were talking?”  
  
Iruka sputtered at Kakashi’s question, but seemed to give way, taking a step back to allow him in. “What are you _doing_ here?” He asked, offering a hand when he noticed Kakashi’s limp. Apparently that earned him some sympathy; maybe he thought he was too injured and needed to get healed again.

“Dinner. You offered this morning. I just finished my mission.”

Iruka stared at him like an idiot, eyebrows raising comically. “Kakashi. It’s _three_ in the _morning.”_

“Oh.” He answered stupidly, staring blankly at the couch Iruka was leading him to. 

“... You’re hungry,” Iruka sighed, shaking his head as Kakashi remained silent in obvious agreement. Rubbing his eyes, he frowned, “You _seriously_ want dinner?”

Iruka took silence as an answer.

As he made his way to the kitchen, Kakashi limped after him, propping himself on the counter. “You don’t have to actually cook. It’s late. Don’t you have class in the morning?”

“Yes, I do,” Iruka sighed, gesturing to a pot already on the stove. “Ramen?”

“You don’t need to cook,” Kakashi repeated as if Iruka hadn’t heard him the first time; Iruka only laughed as he pulled a bowl from a cabinet. “I _already_ cooked.” At Kakashi’s confused stare, he elaborated, “I invited you over, Kakashi. I thought you were late. Not that you would be... _this_ late. After a while, I figured you just forgot.”

“I wouldn’t forget,” came Kakashi’s instantaneous response, said with such conviction that Iruka’s eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me?”

“I just… wouldn’t forget. I’m always tired after my missions, but I wouldn’t forget,” Kakashi quickly explained, suddenly _very_ interested in the ramen being passed to him. “...Thanks.” 

Gently, Kakashi accepted the bowl, eyebrows coming together at the suspicious liquid the noodles were suspended in. “Ramen?”

“Ramen.” Iruka agreed, apparently misreading the look on Kakashi’s face for guilt as they made their way to the living room. “I already made it, you know. I made plenty, I figured you would be hungry. How are you feeling?”  
  
As Kakashi pulled down his mask and ate his ramen, he silently thanked this past. Iruka, he now realized, was a _horrible_ cook. This was barely edible, although Iruka would never tell that by the look on his face. He smiled his thanks, eyes crinkling, and Iruka seemed to forget he even asked a question to begin with. 

Kakashi could only stomach half the ‘ramen’ before his stomach felt like it was going to revolt.

“I’m fine, Iruka. Thank you for the food. I’ll leave, it’s late.” As Kakashi stood, a hand reaching to pull up his mask, Iruka quickly grabbed it, pulling him back to the couch. “It’s fine,” Iruka insisted, offering a hopeful smile. “It’s always nice to have you around.”

At Iruka’s remark, Kakashi raised an eyebrow-- although Iruka didn’t miss the pink flush on his face. “What?” 

Quickly, Iruka tried to fix his slip-up, “Having a Jōnin around always puts the mind at ease. Nothing to worry about.”

“Ah.” Kakashi seemed to believe him-- or maybe the famed ‘Copy Ninja’ decided to have mercy-- as he nodded in response. “I’m afraid I won’t be much help at my current chakra level _._ ”

That was true. Kakashi was still injured-- _significantly_ injured. The Hokage would have to force him on bed-rest for at least three days, although Kakashi never does what he’s told anyways. Iruka tried again.

“It gets lonely, you know. I need _someone_ to keep me company.” 

“...At three in the morning?”

“When it’s you? Absolutely.”

**[5]**

If Iruka wanted to go on this mission, it was going to be a hard sell. Not only would he have to convince the Hokage it was necessary, but he would also have to convince the entire _team_ it would be necessary. Although his reason is important to _him--_ “The last time Naruto went on a mission with team 7, he almost got killed”-- he doubted it would hold any substance.

But he had to try.

“It’s important.” Iruka explained to the Hokage, who only frowned. Obviously, she wasn’t buying it, and it wasn’t hard to see why.  
  
“Alright, look,” she began to reason. “I have a meeting with all the Jōnin in five minutes. If you can convince me before they all walk through that door, you can go.”

“That’s all I need!”  
  
That was, in fact, not all he needed. Not only did he fail to come up with a genuine reason besides his concern for Naurto’s safety within the allotted time, he also almost raised his voice _at the Hokage._ With Gai _present._ It was hopeless; his only solace was Kakashi’s tardiness, which bought him an extra 15 minutes. Yet he was still coming up cold.

“Thank you, Iruka.” The Hokage finally said, the amusement in her voice clear as he sputtered for answers. “That will be all; you are dismissed.”

And Iruka bowed his head and walked away. 

At least, he tried. As he passed the group of Jōnin, a firm grip on his shoulder kept him in place. Immediately, Iruka recognized him. “Why do you want to come?” His voice was soft, yet firm. His Ninja headband was pulled completely over his forehead, Sharingan swirling as Iruka responded. “I’m worried about Naruto.”  
  
They both knew he was lying. _‘I’m worried about you,’_ his eyes said. Kakashi would give his life for Naruto-- for any of his teammates. 

The Jōnin hesitated before speaking, glancing at the Hokage with a sense of determination. His book was nowhere in sight.

“I would like to officially vouch for Iruka. I would also like to formally request him for this mission.”

Blinking back surprise, the Hokage stared at him. “Kakashi…?” She asked, eyebrows raised. 

“I would like to request him. If it’s that important, whatever his reason is, I trust him. I want him to come.”

“Your request is approved.”

Iruka was still by Kakashi’s side, still being held by the hand on his shoulder, and subtly leaned into the touch. A silent _‘thank you,’_ which Kakashi returned by lightly squeezing his shoulder before completely letting go. “We plan to leave at sunrise tomorrow.”

“I’ll be there.”

**[+1]**

Iruka has never enjoyed parties, although he is _exceptionally_ good at pretending. Especially if that party happened to be the Hokage’s birthday.

_Technically,_ her actual birthday was yesterday, complete with a formal celebration where the Kage’s gathered. But that wasn’t fun-- at least, to her.

So here they were, all the ninja old enough to drink, piled into _one bar._ It was practically claustrophobic to think about, and within minutes Iruka needed to get some fresh air.

As he stepped outside, onto a large patio area, he was immediately greeted with the Jōnin. _All of them._ Every last one, silently standing around, staring into their drinks, or pacing in small areas.

Anko, Ebisu, Hamaki, Aoba, Ibiki, Haishi, Shizune, Shikaku, Choza, Kunugi, Hayate. _Everyone._ This was the Hokage’s birthday after all-- you can’t skip it.

The Team leaders, and for some reason _Jiraiya,_ were all in one area. 

The rest of the Jōnin seemed to be minding their distance, giving them space. Asuma was leaning over the railing of the patio, smoking a cigarette as he mumbled to Kurenai about nothing in particular. Gai was leaning on the railing next to Kakashi, arms crossed, as he watched the rest of the Jōnin amuse themselves. He seemed to be amused by something, although Iruka couldn’t even fathom what it was. Jiraiya was reading… _Icha Icha._ Maybe it was Kakahi’s copy?

And Kakashi was staring right at him. Which is fair, because Iruka was staring right back. “What?”

He was holding a large white mug of something clear-- water, probably. 

“What?” Iruka echoed back at him, watching as Kakashi snorted to himself before standing, making his way to the doorway Iruka was standing in. “In or out, but you gotta close the door.”

“O-Oh, right. Sorry. Right.”

Iruka took a step onto the patio, allowing the door to close behind him.

“What are you all doing out here?” Iruka questioned softly, eyebrow raising. “Too loud in there,” Kakashi replied, making his way back to his previous spot against the railing. 

Gai moved three steps over, giving them space. 

Of course it was too loud. Jōnin have impeccable senses, their ears fine tuned for sneak attacks. Excessively loud noises severely impared their hearing.

“What are you drinking?” Iruka asked pleasantly, taking in the array of Jōnin surrounding him. _Who knew a dinghy bar would be the safest place in the village,_ Iruka mused.

“Tea,” came Kakashi’s answer, which earned a raised eyebrow from Iruka. “Tea?”

“Yeah, want some?” Obviously a joke-- they both know Iruka doesn’t drink tea. It’s too _leafy,_ he would much rather have coffee to start his day. 

Iruka watched bemusedly as Kakashi pulled out a bright pink silly straw-- the straw itself spelling the word “ _bitch_ ” in a cursive font-- and sticking it in the mug, running the other end under his mask. Apparently, his face was a sensitive topic. _Too bad,_ Iruka found himself thinking, _it’s pretty._

“No thanks, I don’t really like tea.” Iruka chuckled, shaking his head softly, “What kind?”

After taking a large sip, Kakashi returned his attention back to Iruka-- the mug was half empty by now. His eyes crinkled into a smile as he answered, obviously proud of himself. “Quila.”

“Tea… quila…” Iruka responded, blinking back the surprise on his face. “You have a coffee mug… full of _tequila?”_

“Yep,” Kakashi agreed, taking yet another large sip of the drink.

The prolonged silence as Kakashi finished his drink was surprisingly comfortable. That is, before Iruka snorted at him.

_“‘Bitch,’_ huh?” Obviously Iruka found it amusing, and Kakashi only gave him a sidelong glance, eyes crinkling in amusement. “It was the only one they had. Left over from the party before this one.”

A moment passed before Kakashi pushed himself off of the railing, and even Iruka noticed the Jōnin took a moment too long to righten himself. “Well. This _‘bitch’_ is going to refill his drink. Would you like anything?”

At Kakashi’s noticeable lack of coordination, Iruka couldn’t help but to grin. “I should probably come too. Just so you don’t embarrass yourself.”

“... Good idea,” Kakashi agreed, still deciding to lead the way. 

Stepping back into the deafening building, Iruka was quick to see Kakashi visibly flinch from the noise. 

As he made his way to the bar, Iruka hot on his heels, the crowd seemed to part for him. 

Where Iruka would have been forced to squeeze through everyone, getting awkwardly jostled as he shoved his way through, the crowd silently moved aside for Kakashi. Immediately, everyone took a step away, continuing their conversation as if nothing happened. They made a direct path to the bar. Whether it was out of respect or fear, Iruka would never know.

He decided not to comment on it, and Kakashi silently handed his mug over. Apparently he had been here quite a few times, judging by the way the bartender neglected to even ask what he was drinking.

As they waited for the mug to return, Kakashi peered over at him quizzically, eyebrows coming together in obvious confusion. “What?”

“...Nothing.” Kakashi shook his head, gratefully accepting the mug, now refilled with tequila, back into his hands. As he made his way outside, Iruka gently nudged him in the back. 

“Kakashi. Does Gai still have to watch you when you drink?” 

Instead of responding, Kakashi only looked pointedly in the direction of Gai, still leaning against the railing about a yard away. Without a word, Gai glanced over, giving Kakashi an obvious thumbs up. “Number four!”

“You’ve drunk _four_ of those?” Iruka asked incredulously, eyes going wide as he wondered how the man wasn’t slurring his words already.

“Yep,” Kakashi agreed, sticking his silly straw back into his mug. “Hey Iruka, can you do me a favor?”

“Of course!” Iruka was always happy to help, especially when Kakashi was the last one would actually _say_ the phrase _‘can you do me a favor?’_ when randomly showing up, bloody, in his living room is still an effective option. 

Kakashi pulled his headband up, exposing his sharingan. “Will you smile? Wanna remember it real good.”

“You… _Huh?”_

“Wanna remember it.” Kakashi looked as though what he was saying made perfect sense, as if saying to your friend _‘I want to use my jutsu so I remember your smile’_ is a completely normal phrase.

_“...What?”_ Iruka asked again, obviously surprised Kakashi was genuinely asking. “I thought I was pretty clear.” Kakashi seemed to deflate, sighing a little as he drank out of his silly straw-- which caused Iruka to laugh at him. It was _absurd,_ one of the most feared shinobi in the _world_ was practically pouting at him, drinking out of a _pink silly-straw_ that spells out the word _‘bitch’._

Immediately, the tomoe in Kakashi’s sharingan began spinning, causing Iruka to immediately flush bright red. “You were serious?!” 

“Of course I was serious. You’re beautiful.” Kakashi stated, as if it was a well known fact; Iruka immediately flushed, sputtering over his words. “W-Wh-- _excuse me?!”_

“You know,” Kakashi continued, staring off into space as if he hadn’t even heard Iruka’s outburst, “You and me. We must be farmers.”

“...Farmers? Geez, Kakashi. I didn’t realize Gai had to watch you this closely when you’re drunk. Do you... _want_ to be a farmer?”

“No,” Kakashi said, sighing a little before glancing at Iruka, eyes once again crinkling with the hint of a smile, “You just make my heart go bum ba-dum bum bum bum bum.”

Instead of questioning it, Iruka only chuckled at his antics. 

It was useless to fight against it now, especially when Kakashi looked so… _cute._ Although normally, ‘cute’ isn’t an adjective used to describe the ex ANBU captain, _the_ Copy Ninja of the Village Hidden in the Leaves himself, Iruka couldn’t help it; Kakashi was smiling at him, throwing obviously hastily made pickup lines at him while _clearly_ drunk. 

He’s _cute._

At least, he was for a while. 

He was until his seventh drink, when he _really_ couldn’t keep his mouth shut, mumbling absolute gibberish to Iruka like the man knew anything about _tulips_ and _discounts at Ichiraku._

“I want to wake up with you for the rest of my life. Do you think you could stay forever?” Kakashi was apparently insistent, and Iruka truly couldn’t find it in himself to mind all that much. It _is_ a nice thought. 

“Kakashi, I wake up at five.”

That was food for thought, if the concentration on Kakashi’s face was anything to go by. A true genius Shinobi at work, figuring out ways to make his plan succeed. After a moment, Kakashi tried again, “I want to fall asleep with you for the rest of my life.”

“That seems more likely.”

“Iruka,” Kakashi said again-- he’s said _‘Iruka’_ so many times, Iruka himself isn’t even sure why his heart still skips a beat-- “Will you do the thing? Please.”

  
This was also a common request now, Kakashi’s sharingan having been put to work these past few hours. “Sure I will,” Iruka replied-- the same thing he’s replied countless times before-- before flashing a large grin in Kakashi’s direction. Once again, the tomoe in his sharingan began to spin and Kakashi’s breath noticeably caught in his throat; Iruka fought back a violent blush. 

“You’re going to waste all your chakra, Kakashi,” Iruka finally warned, his bemused expression never fading as he regarded the intoxicated ninja.

“Worth it.”  
  


After his next few drinks, Iruka really hoped Kakashi knows what he’s talking about; not even teaching at the Ninja Academy trained him for an absolutely _wasted, chakra-depleted, Jōnin._

“Iruka, Iruka,” Kakashi said again, pupils blown wide as he regarded the teacher. The Jōnin’s arm, once again, flung itself over Iruka’s shoulder, putting Kakashi much closer than Iruka would allow anyone else to be. But it was _Kakashi_ , and even when he’s absolutely wasted, he’s still somehow _gorgeous._ It was probably a crime. 

Or maybe it's a Shinobi Rule? ‘Shinobi Rule #86: Always look hot while drunk.’ 

…Yeah, that seemed right.

“You know, I _would_ call heaven and say there’s an angel missing,” Kakashi grinned at his own pickup line, his mask having long ago been pulled down when he realized Iruka gave him _significantly_ more attention when his entire face was exposed, “but I’m _really_ hoping you’re kind of a slut.”

“Kakashi!” Iruka yelled-- probably too loud-- but the patio was completely deserted anyways. The rest of the Jōnin had long given up on the party, and filed out around an hour ago. 

Them being alone was his only solace; his face was _burning_.

“What?” the Jōnin asked innocently, eyes hooded slightly as he-- for the _third time--_ attempted to kiss Iruka. “Kakashi.” The Chūnin warned, and the ninja in question immediately backed off, seemingly forgetting what he was even doing.

“We need to get you home.” Iruka finally said, shifting his grip on Kakashi’s side to pull him in a fully standing position and in the direction of his house.

“Where we goin’?” Kakashi was still grinning at him, but seemed to get the hint they were moving towards _people--_ or at the very least, away from _privacy--_ and used his free hand to pull his mask back up. Immediately, Iruka missed his face. 

“To your apartment.” 

_“My_ apartment? Why not do it at your apartment?”

“Kakashi we’re not-- wait, why would we ‘do it’ at _my_ apartment? Why wouldn’t we just… at _your apartment?”_ _  
  
_

“We’re doing it at my apartment? Perfect.”  
  
“No--” Iruka sighed, obviously given up trying to predict Kakashi’s efforts. Curse Jōnin, _and_ their incredibly clever tactics.

After they arrived, Iruka all but dropped Kakashi at his door, fully planning to leave him to fend for himself. Obviously that was a bad idea when Kakashi immediately crumpled, unable to support his own weight.

“... Fine…” Iruka said, more to himself than Kakashi, as he helped the Jōnin back to his feet, now committed to walking him all the way inside-- and most likely into bed.

As it turns out, that’s exactly what Iruka had to do. 

Apparently while drunk, even the mighty Copy Ninja had two left feet, putting most of his weight onto Iruka as he was led to bed. Iruka all but threw him onto the bed, trying not to laugh as the fearsome Jōnin almost _fell off._

As Iruka turned to go, a hand caught his arm. _“Stay,”_ Kakashi mumbled, his mask already back down and eyes so hopeful.

Iruka never hesitated.

“Of course.”

And Iruka slept. 

Right there, in Kakashi’s _bed,_ the Jōnin’s arms securely wrapped around him despite his drunken stupor. 

Kakashi’s sudden strength would be startling, had Iruka not known it’s origins. Protection; Kakashi _had_ to protect him. Not only was it the Shinobi way, but his own. 

When he awoke, it was to pained groaning. 

Hangovers were _bad_ , but chakra depletion hangovers were _so much worse._

Yet Kakashi never moved.

Never moved his arms from around Iruka’s sides, and immediately went dead silent. So Iruka didn’t move, either -- he could pretend to be asleep, and solve this awkward situation once and for all. 

Gingerly, as if Kakashi was on the most important stealth mission of his life, he moved his head off of Iruka’s shoulder-- _when had Kakashi’s head been on Iruka’s shoulder?_

Never in his life, has Iruka even _heard_ of Kakashi being like this.

The absolute, unconditional _reverence_ in his voice when he whispered a soft _“holy shit,_ ” made Iruka’s head spin, and the way his thumb was so delicately -- so _, so_ carefully-- rubbing circles on Iruka’s side had his face immediately turning a deep crimson.

He couldn’t play it off any longer. 

Iruka peaked one eye open, his other eye instantaneously following when he caught Kakashi staring at him in absolute _awe,_ the tomoe of his sharingan spinning rapidly to _remember,_ as he insisted on doing last night every _moment_ Iruka laughed or smiled at him.

“Kakashi?” Iruka asked gently. 

Apparently, Iruka’s awakening was completely lost on the Jōnin, if his sudden scream was any indication. 

Of course it would be mortifying, being seen in such a state. 

He jolted suddenly, momentarily forgetting his skull-splitting headache as he jerked away from Iruka, violently overestimating the amount of _bed_ left and toppling to the floor with an _‘oof!_ ’

“Good morning to you too, Kakashi!”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> if you didn't laugh at "I'm baby," im sorry but i think youre going to hell


End file.
